remembering..

I used to think I was in love before him. I fell in love with everyone.
Thats why its hilarious. The one time I really mean it, the one I have to fight for people to believe me. They heard it countless times. They were tired of my endless boyfriends coming through the door. Another one?
Whatever..

I loved him instantly. The way he twisted his hands as he stood at my moms entrance, worried. What if she didn't like him? With a quick tip-toed kiss, and self-assurance I still would, we walked in.

Within two weeks, he whispered to me that he loved me.  It was a cool April morning, 2am. I was wearing one of his t-shirts, we were on our tummies talking, holding hands, legs intertwined, whispering.  That he never felt this way before; and it was crazy, scary, and he didn't want to scare me away but he couldn't not say it. He sat up, running a hand through his adorable bedhead, looking away then back, his hand tightening mine.  I crawled onto his lap and he just held me. I felt scared. I loved him too but didn't want to jinx it.

The way his deep dark eyes scanned mine worried. Why wasn't I saying it back? We transformed to high school. Quick smile, deeper, more urgent kiss, and it was returned.

I have spent less then one day away from him. He is my best friend. The one who chases me around the house, fits of laughter, tickles me until I threaten to pee the bed, the one who grabs me and shakes me away when I'm in a night terror and then holds me, silently, playing with my hair.

....Or when we walk by girls with hoops in their ears, fancy clothes, and high heels in the grocery store and I glance down at my worn jeans, ugg boots and sweater jacket, hair pulled in a quick ponytail and the usual minimal make up. We get home, I rush to the bathroom to fancy up. Come out, and he laughs. Grabs my hand, twirls me and we march back into the washroom. His arms lifting me onto the counter and his other hand, rinsing a facecloth into the warm water. Kisses my nose, forehead, mouth - wipes my make up off, shakes his head and says, "your beautiful. Don't be anyone but you. I love you. None of them look like that in the morning when they wake up.. you do and its beautiful."

I am lucky.


A year later and its like I just met his gaze from across the room and we stood there, smirking, mesmerized.